I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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