in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
