He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
