If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
