I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
