PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
