dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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