chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
