Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
