i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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