Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
