am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
