Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
