Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
