omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
