Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and she was petting her beer can
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
