id be glad to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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