if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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