New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
