turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
