Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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