Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
