Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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