Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
