My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
