it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
