Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
