booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
