i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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