i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
