I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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