he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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