Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
