I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
