Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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