There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this is an emotional support booty call
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
