I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
