Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
