and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize