i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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