God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
