My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
