if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize