I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
