Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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