I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
