dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
