all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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