I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
