we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
