Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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