You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
