'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
