I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize