Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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