Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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