that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
