At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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