Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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