I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
