i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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