Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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