I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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