This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
