if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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