if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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