My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize